sometimes, i see people who
are less fortunate than i am. those who live in broken families or are suffering physical abuse. and then i take a look at myself frm outside the picture, and i realise how lucky i am. i have parents who love me so much despite the failure i am. i've got a sister who will be there for me when i need her, and the cutest lil' carpet who never fails to make me smile.

and then i realise, tt this little bit of pain i'm feeling is nothing compared to what others are gg thru. there are poor little doggies out there fighting for their lives and people who are less fortunate than i am. so i tell myself to move
on and forget about all these shit. i need to be a happier and more useful person so i can help more people and dogs in this world:) i can do it! go elaine!

I'm not mad, i'm hurt.
There's a difference.

A girl is happiest when she knows you make her your everything.
In front of everyone. Everytime.

 i got into a car accident on my way to school along tpe.
that was ytd.

im feeling rly awful now i can't exactly describe this feeling.

i already was a liability, now im even worse off. just when i tot everything was changing for the better.
i rly shud get an award for always being able to get myself into deep shit.
rly feel like giving up,giving life up altogether.
occurred to me tt i shud have died along w the accident, at least can claim life insurance.

tears shed, nightmares after nightmares the previous night. yes, very traumatised but pretending im all ok. this splitting headache is getting on my nerves!

had wanted to blog quite an amount but i can't rly find words to describe and i suddenly dont know what to say. this year hasn't been good for me.

i shud buck up and stop being a loser... i always reminded myself constantly the previous months. then i managed to get a job and was preparing to pay off my study loan plus debtors mich and dad. nw everything's gone down the drain i dont see motivation anymore becos how hard i try i always end up in shit, as much as i dont want to.

if there's an easier way to die and make my family feel better or be better off without me, i'd do it. i can't stand this emotional torture anymore! i can't stand being stepped on by the words they say sometimes. i feel rly depressed. i wish i died.

and Bailey, i hope this msg teleports to u... i miss u so much! i miss cuddling u... i miss u...

im sitting here in macs... pleaded with dad and mum today regarding adopting the poor schnauzer tt nobody wants because it was born with 'defects'...as expected, they gave me a stern 'no' as an answer. upset, i decided tt i didn't wanna stay home to study today.

can't wait to start work. can't wait to earn money to repay my family. can't wait.

happy bday dad! i'm sorry i woke up late today and didn't manage to wish u happy bday face to face:( but anws... i love you... im grateful for having you as my dad.

i'll never have coffee with durian again. sucks totally.
im feeling so shitty now i had to sleep half the day away and my paper's tmr...wtf! im having mixed feelings. like im afrad i wont be able to make it... im afraid the qns turn out funky... im afraid... i answer out of point... and i wont be able to grad eventually...

oh well, i only have myself to blame for starting late.
farg.